I hav to Re-consider a,d make the final decision....

___ The day, I passed the letter to him... He saw and read it, his expression made me guity. Before that, I though everything is fine... Everyone encouraged me to go and fulfill my dream, recognize the world and so on...

___ Thus, I lost so many things to process it. Obviously, it included my beloved. I'm not a good boyfriend, might be I never put myself in her position, so I hurted her like hell. That's what she said. I then can do anything to beg her forgiveness? Of course no!

___ Today I found out I was too selfish. Except her, I treated everyone as the same. I never consider what they thought, and I did my own decision. I did not care what would happen when I made this decision. I'm so suffering..............

___ I'm the second child in my family. My elder sister who is older than me by 3 years old, my younger brother is also younger than me by 3 years old. He is in senior two now. One more year after, he will go oversea to further his education. My sister is still studying in Australia.

___ She is smart, that's undeniable. So, her future is bright... Maybe brighter than me, if we calculate the probability. I'm going to UK soon. ( when my Ielts passed)

___ UK maybe is a heaven for me, but I never consider it will also be hell for my parents. Everyone ask me to go. My parents SURE can settle my expenses, tuition fees. Actually, i never asked them before. They encouraged me to go where I like, I just only think the place where I want to go. When I go, is it really good for them. Will they do anything silly thing because of me.

___ I have no confident to say my future is bright. I will be the millionaire or billionaire in the future? My dream, before age of 30, I would like to drive a Audi A4 ? Kidding... i'm damn fucking stupid. That's not impossible, but that's not impossible for others, is impossible to the fucking stupid me.

___ I promised Miss Tan who to become my farm's owner. When can I have the capability to buy a farm. Will it really in a highland, or in Malaysia's small village? Chill~ I'm damn silly....

___ First, I have to apologize to Eric Low. I do not know whether I can follow you to go there or not. I do not want to bring tears to reach UK. I'm unfilial. If I cant go, please forgive me to be a untrusted person.

___ Second, I have to apologize to my parents. I do not whether i have brought too much burden to you. I never mention it. I hope you two can talk to me seriously, politely. I have to know your condition. I do not need to go UK, it's doesn't matter. I can apply taylor scholarship and ptptn to finish my degree in Msia. I do not want you're so work hard because an unfilial son. Maybe I'm not valuable to let you waste money. Jie is going to finish his secondary school too. He still need money to go futher his education. Did I just waste you money?

___ Finally, I have to apologize to Miss Tan. I'm sorry that I hurt you like hell. If I can went back by the time travel, I would not try to recognize you. I'm so stupid..... So many things, I just realized in this moment. I have lost too much. I have wasted too much because of my unfilial, my silly, my stubborn, my stupid...

___ Please forgive me, everyone.... I'm not a kind man, good friend as you wish.

___ I'm sorry, Dad, Mum....